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This year signifies a full decade since the word “disappearing” hit the mainstream. At the time, the notion that someone could suddenly stop all contact with a partner without a word seemed like the pinnacle of disrespect. Our innocence was charming. In the ten-year span since, finding a significant other has only become more bewildering – an frequently pointless endeavor in humiliation that is increasingly defined by online jargon.

Gen Z, a generation who grew up during a loneliness epidemic, a masculinity crisis, and a widespread challenge on the freedoms of females and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a far messier landscape than their Gen Y forerunners could ever imagine. And so their romantic glossary has grown more extensive and more unhinged, with expressions like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” straining the boundaries of your sanity.

Below is a comprehensive guide to the phrases gen Z is using to talk about love, sex and the search of both. To paraphrase one of the year’s most enduring memes, by the end of this guide you’ll yearn to get back to a bygone era – because where that is, it lacks “ideological catfishing”.

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The Letter A

Genuineness – For gen Z, romance's gold standard is showing up as your real, unvarnished self. Best wishes with that!

The Letter B

Feathered friend test – A TikTok trend connected to a test developed by couples researchers, in which you point out something insignificant – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and note whether your partner’s reply is inquisitive or brushed off. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Black cat girlfriend – Gen Z’s rebuttal to the “manic pixie dream girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking The Smiths and eschewing commitment, the black cat girlfriend puts herself first while oozing enigma and self-sufficiency. (She could possibly have that fringe.)

C

Support test – This signifies choosing someone who helps you without being asked. If you walked into a room, they would fetch a chair for you to take a load off.

Errand romance – A meet-up where two people bond while running errands, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped young adults do low-cost dating in a post-cheap-date world.

Emotional spiral – Losing it when you feel burdened by life. You can spiral over a crush or split, dumping all of your unreciprocated emotions.

The Letter D

DINK – Double income, no kids. Once a signifier of 1980s young urban professional excess, it refers to partners who choose against having children to focus on their own fulfillment. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Emotional vibe coding – The antithesis of acting aloof: utilizing communication, honesty and vulnerability.

F

Indicators

• Danger signals – Behavioral habits signaling a prospective partner is bad news. Examples include calling their exes crazy, poor gratuity habits, a fondness for controversial director films, a nascent DJ career …
• Green flags – These actions affirm your decision to pursue a mate. Examples include checking in to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal screen time, having a bed frame …
• Beige flags – These usually describe niche, mostly harmless idiosyncrasies. Examples include being an keen birdwatcher, still keeping a biro in their purse, paying the rent in physical money …

Shared obsession pairing – When you connect with someone who’s just as passionate about documentaries about the second world war or DVD collecting or art or anything it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who hates the same stuff or individuals that you do (few things fosters closeness faster than sharing a nemesis).

G

Geese – A musical group a typical Zoomer guy likes.

Ghostlighting – Someone who pops back into your life after a length of silence.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is affable, accommodating and loyal. The rare partner who is adored by all of his partner’s friends, and a mysterious partner's foil.

Gooners – A mostly online subculture of men so fixated with masturbation that they attempt marathon sessions, deliberately delaying orgasm so they can persist as long as possible.

H

Pessimistic straight dating – A trend describing many women’s increasing cynicism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

High-value woman – An ideal championed by manosphere figures: a woman who is attractive, nurturing and happily home-oriented, who seemingly has no aspirations of her own aside from pleasing her male partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to understand the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Turn-offs – Arbitrary and frequently trivial dealbreakers that immediately extinguish any sense of attraction.

“He would if he cared" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else get an extremely sweet display.

The Letter J

Professions – These have not been this important in the dating scene since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “banker” is the ideal catch: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd opt for partners in fields they perceive as being staffed by the more caring among us: healthcare workers, teachers or therapists.

K

Making out – This year, scientists learned that the kiss has existed for 16 million years. But the days of locking lips may be waning since some Zoomers want fewer sex scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find cinematic intimacy realistic.

Light catfishing – Mild deception. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using older (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {