The Advice shared by A Dad Which Helped Us when I became a Brand-New Father

"I think I was simply trying to survive for twelve months."

One-time Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey thought he would to handle the demands of fatherhood.

Yet the reality rapidly turned out to be "completely different" to what he pictured.

Life-threatening health issues surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was forced into becoming her primary caregiver in addition to caring for their newborn son Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, every change… every walk. The job of mother and father," Ryan shared.

After 11 months he became exhausted. That was when a chat with his parent, on a public seat, that led him to understand he needed help.

The straightforward phrases "You're not in a healthy space. You must get some help. What can I do to assist you?" created an opening for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and find a way back.

His story is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. While society is now better used to addressing the pressure on mothers and about PND, far less attention is paid about the difficulties fathers go through.

'It's not weak to ask for help

Ryan feels his challenges are linked to a larger inability to open up between men, who continue to internalise harmful notions of manhood.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the fortress that just gets hit and remains standing with each wave."

"It's not a sign of being weak to seek help. I was too slow to do that soon enough," he clarifies.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher specialising in mental health surrounding childbirth, explains men frequently refuse to acknowledge they're finding things difficult.

They can feel they are "not justified to be requesting help" - most notably in front of a mother and child - but she stresses their mental well-being is just as important to the household.

Ryan's conversation with his dad gave him the chance to take a respite - spending a few days overseas, outside of the domestic setting, to get a fresh outlook.

He realised he required a change to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states alongside the day-to-day duties of caring for a new baby.

When he shared with Louise, he saw he'd missed "what she was yearning" -reassuring touch and hearing her out.

Self-parenting

That epiphany has reshaped how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now composing Leo regular notes about his experiences as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan believes these will help his son better understand the vocabulary of emotional life and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The idea of "reparenting" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen was without consistent male guidance. Even with having an "wonderful" relationship with his dad, deep-held trauma resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, complicating their bond.

Stephen says suppressing feelings caused him to make "terrible choices" when he was younger to alter how he was feeling, turning in drink and drugs as escapism from the anguish.

"You find your way to behaviours that are harmful," he says. "They can temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Advice for Managing as a New Dad

• Share with someone - when you are overwhelmed, speak to a family member, your spouse or a counsellor how you're feeling. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel less alone.
• Remember your hobbies - make time for the things that helped you to feel like yourself before the baby arrived. This might be playing sport, seeing friends or playing video games.
• Don't ignore the physical health - a good diet, getting some exercise and where possible, sleep, all contribute in how your emotional health is faring.
• Meet other first-time fathers - sharing their experiences, the difficult parts, along with the joys, can help to put into perspective how you're experiencing things.
• Understand that asking for help does not mean you've failed - looking after you is the most effective way you can support your loved ones.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen expectedly had difficulty processing the death, having not spoken to him for years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead provide the security and emotional guidance he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - managing the frustrations in a healthy way.

The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men since they acknowledged their pain, changed how they express themselves, and learned to regulate themselves for their children.

"I'm better… dealing with things and handling things," explains Stephen.

"I put that down in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan shares. "I expressed, on occasion I think my job is to teach and advise you how to behave, but in reality, it's a exchange. I'm learning as much as you are on this path."